Week 5 - 24/09/22

Hi everyone,

Apologies that this week's entry is a few days late. I must just add a trigger warning because this week I will writing about grief.

This week has been an incredibly difficult one after learning of the death of a friend. Another amazingly kind and wonderful person who has been lost due to suicide. This is the second death of this nature to have touched our small community in the space of 2 years and the third that I have experienced personally since 2020.

It has really taken me back to how I felt in the "early days" of grief and I have really struggled to keep my outer-self composed and "normal" whilst inside I have been so sad and unsettled. I truly believe that we are in the middle of a metal health crisis in the UK and I worry about others who are in poor mental health and do not receive the right support that they need. I am very open when speaking about my own mental health and my grief journey. I had never really thought of it as a journey until I experienced it myself, but that is exactly what it is. From the initial stages of shock, sadness and anger to a year and a half down the line when the sadness and anger, although slightly diluted from the passages of time, are still very much there. The longing for those who are no longer with us never changes; with every special occasion that they are no longer here for and the many times that I have wanted to share something but they are no longer here to share things with. A day doesn't go by where I don't remember them and this week they have been in my thoughts relentlessly. I have hope that I will regain the small amount of peace that I lost this week. I certainly have such wonderful support surrounding me and that is such an amazing thing to have.

This week's poem is centred around the start of my grief journey and may be a hard read.

Take care,

Kathy

Grief

The world is cold, I feel so low.

My head full to the brim, overflowing with sorrow.

When all hope is out of reach, grief my loyal companion.

My heart is numb, all love is gone.

I reach out to the world; there is nothing but silence.

I am alone, I am alone.

Another day in the dark, no energy to fight.

I have no way to rise and reach out to the light.

I have nothing, no comforting hand to hold.

Sinking down to the depths of my despair.

I curl up tight and shut out the piercing silence.

I am alone, I am alone.